Another Seizure and More Lessons from the Lord

In the continuing medical saga of our family, I've had another set-back.  After a number of seizure-free months, last week during one of Phil's and my weekly date nights, I had a seizure.  We were sitting in a theatre enjoying a movie when I had a brief aura...just enough time to tell Phil what was about to happen...followed by a grand mal seizure.  By the time the movie was over, I was oriented enough to walk out to the car.  Needless to say our date night was cut short!

I hesitant to be so transparent on our blog, but I feel compelled to dispel the myths surrounding those with seizures.  For too long tradition has held that seizures cause IQ issues (no funny comments here:), mental health issues, etc.  I want everyone to know that "normal" people have seizures.  Albeit our family is anything but normal in so many areas of our life...homeschooling. conservative Christian values, international adoption, adopting three heart toddlers, and the list goes on and on, but none of these unusual behaviors are in any way linked to my health.  A seizure disorder is no different than diabetes, high cholesterol or a low thyroid...inconvenient but treatable with medicines.

Recently international adoption lists are beginning to add children with seizure disorder or epilepsy to their waiting children lists.  I want people to know this is such a manageable "special need."  I want these children to come home to their forever families.  If you are considering adopting a child with a special need, consider a child with a seizure disorder aka epilepsy.

(Praise God I was seizure-free when I was in Swaziland in October.  This little girl was at one of the Care Points.  She climbed in my lap just wanting some love and cuddles.  Within 10 minutes she had fallen fast asleep.)

For me this unexpected seizure means more adjusting of my seizure meds.  It means another six months of not driving.  This is by far the most inconvenient of the side effects of my seizures. And most of all it means revisiting some of my favorite verses in Scripture,

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."   Psalm 46:10,11

These are the verses the Lord showed me over 20 years ago when I began having seizures again as an adult.  He reminded me that He wants me to "be still" before Him.  I find that I get so busy "doing" His work that I forget to sit at His feet. 

Now every time I have a seizure, I immediately ask myself, "Have I been sitting still enough with my Lord?"  ...not just reading the Bible and praying but REALLY sitting still and listening for His still, small voice that speaks to me through His Word and His Spirit.  Embarrassingly, many times my answer is "no." 

That's the prize behind each seizure.  It's the gift to remind me to be still again. 

I wish I was an attentive pupil.  One of those students that learns the lesson the first time.  I'm afraid I'm one of those people that the Lord needs to hit over the head instead.  But the amazing thing about Him is He never tires of teaching me.  Again and again I bend my knee to His will and lay it all before Him, but almost accidentally I pick up a thread or two. 

My seizures are a way for Him to remind me to lay it all down again.  I'm thankful for that.

In the flesh I "hate" having the seizures.  I cry and say I just want to be "normal".  I tell my husband I don't want to do this again.  But in the still times in the evening when it's just me and the Lord, I'm so thankful that He hasn't put me on a shelf.

So in the next six months....

13 "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do:  Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."  Phil. 3:13,14